Back when I was training to be a Psychotherapist we had to have 100 hours of personal therapy as part of the course requirements and for the longest time I totally hated it! I found it so hard to share my vulnerabilities and it took me a really long time to settle into the process.
Looking back now I know that those early days of sitting in the ‘other’ chair and finding the process so challenging were invaluable for me as a therapist for I absolutely get how difficult it can be!
If you’re thinking of having therapy or you’re in therapy at the moment and it’s all feeling mystifying or overwhelming then I hope that these tips help you to get the very best out of the process.
1. Choose the right therapist:
Much of the work you will do in therapy relies upon you feeling safe enough to share your innermost thoughts and feelings, this is not an easy thing to do and so finding someone that you feel able to trust is essential.
Take your time; check out their websites and/or social media accounts to get a better sense of who they are, how they work, their qualifications and experiences. If possible try to arrange an introductory chat to see if you ‘click’ with them. You should feel as though your therapist genuinely cares for and accepts you and is empathic to what you are experiencing and is non-judgemental.
- View yourself and your experiences as a process not a problem:
Most, if not all of us, start therapy with the idea that we have a problem that needs to be fixed, changed, altered or eliminated and this generally leads to a stance of ‘working on yourself’ as a form of self-judgement.
When we do this, therapy can only take us so far on our journey-we may get to understand the why, what, when of our thoughts, feelings and behaviours but it is unlikely that any significant change can happen because the inner critic is constantly primed to judge.
If we can take the view that ALL of our thoughts, feelings and experiences are happening for a good reason, even if we don’t like or want them, then we can begin to recognise that we are in a process of deeper understanding. From this perspective we can take therapy to the next level of finding ways to support and care for our own process so that the changes we envision can occur as a natural outcome.
3 Say anything and be real:
In a good therapeutic relationship you should feel free to share ALL of your thoughts, feelings and experiences with your therapist, even when they don’t quite make sense to you and especially when it feels difficult to do so. The more able you are to be your unfiltered self the more you will break through old patterns and blocks and the more you will get from your sessions. Your honesty about yourself and your process is empowering and respectful to you and will always lead to therapeutic progress.
4 View it as a collaboration:
Therapy is a unique opportunity for you to develop your relationship with yourself and as such a therapist should not be telling you what to do, what to think or what to feel but rather they should be working with you to empower you to think, feel and act based on your own needs, wants and wishes. Your therapist may suggest techniques or strategies that may feel useful to you but ultimately it is you that decides which way to go.
5 Embrace the process:
Having therapy is a wonderful opportunity for you to invest in and learn more about yourself but the ‘therapy hour’ is only part of it, the majority of the process happens outside of your session as you go about your life. It is worth committing to this being your reality for a while.
You may find yourself mindfully noticing, observing, processing, reflecting and recognising your feelings, thoughts and experiences as you go through your days. This could be a great time to start a journal to record all of this and use it to help your process.
Having an open mind can make the challenge of processing feel possible. It may feel useful for you to set markers along the way so that you can check in and recognise any progress that you see in yourself -these signposts can really motivate you to keep moving in your chosen direction.
6 Recognise that it may not always be easy:
The reality is you may feel worse before you feel better and your emotions may go up and down as you process. Therapy often brings up lots of old and painful feelings that need to surface in order to be transformed and released. Taking therapy at your own pace and ensuring that you develop self compassion, personal care and self care throughout your therapeutic journey can help in those moments when it feels hard.
Having an open mind can make the challenge of processing feel possible. It may feel useful for you to set markers along the way so that you can check in and recognise any progress that you see in yourself -these signposts can really motivate you to keep moving in your chosen direction.
I am sending much love to you and I wish you well with your process.